I came to a realization a few days ago. I was wrong! I needed to make an adjustment in a belief I had held for some time. That probably sounds pretty…well weird and to tell this tale I must back up a bit. I ask you to please be patient and not make any assumptions as this blog entry is, to some extent, a confession.

Ever since I can remember I have had…hmmm I don’t want to say “powers” as that in itself is just the wrong word….let’s say “gifts” as I do not believe there is anything wrong with the gifts or the way I use them. I have never used any of my gifts to do harm or to intentionally benefit from the results.

1. I have a way of knowing things beforehand. Not just a sense of dejavue but knowing something is going to happen, telling someone and then it does happen. I will provide examples in a bit.
2. I can “hear” people’s underneath thoughts and feelings. Today folks would simply say I study people thoroughly enough to, in effect, be unconsciously profiling them. This works for me.
3. I can “push” people to do things. This definitely is just talking and convincing people that what I suggest is such a good idea they adopt it for themselves. No, I do not do anything that would ultimately be against their best interests.
4. I “see” entities. I do not define these presences as ghosts. I do not define them at all. Of course as a Christian I can also banish them and generally do. By the way, for those who know about this; Yes, the final entity in our current apartment appears to be gone. Jenn got tired of being startled and sent it away.
5. I can communicate with some people without words. Actually a lot of people can do this with family members or other persons of long acquaintance.

So…let me begin. I could include many examples but, in general, I will only use a few.

Our family was on an outing with my Mom’s father and her brother. I was 10. Not intending to hurt anyone I asked my grandfather what it was like to be dying and was he looking forward to being with Jesus. At the time no one had said anything to me about my grandpa having emphysema. He died a very short time later.

I was sick. Lying in bed not wanting to sleep but not wanting to be up I wanted to read but did not want to get up to get a book. Jessica, our oldest was on the bed “keeping me company”. She sat up saying “I’ll go get your book Mommy.” She returned with the exact book I wanted which was one of several I had recently been reading. By the way, Jessi was only three and could not yet read. She said she knew which one I wanted because I had shown her a picture of it in her mind.

Nearly every house I have ever lived in has had entities. I “see” them generally as very vague blobs mostly out of the corner of my eye but sometimes it is only a feeling and other times much more solid to the point of seeming to be an actual person. I usually become aware of them when up late. They do not usually seem to have any malicious intent and I am generally content to let them be. There have been times when I have, in the name of Jesus, asked them to leave. The most problematic was when Glen and I were at seminary. We lived in a townhouse on campus that was part of the married community housing. I had been feeling anxious, depressed and just generally lousy. I decided to go to bed early and fell asleep promptly. A short time later I felt “someone” leaning over me and felt threatened. I mean seriously in danger. I woke to see a man so clearly I could have described him to a sketch artist in spite of the room being very dark. I demanded that he leave but neglected to do so in the name of Our Lord. He vanished but only after reaching out and stroking my check with an extremely cold hand. I continued to feel ill and anxious and depressed for several days. I went to bed early again one evening and again woke to find this figure standing next to the bed. I screamed muttering words that were unintelligible to me and demanded he be gone in the name of Jesus Christ. Nearly simultaneously Glen appeared in the doorway as the entity screamed and was gone. I later heard of a man who had been victimizing the town near us about the time I had begun to feel so anxious and depressed. On hearing of him I was positive it was the man I saw. Further investigation led to a sketch and the discovery that he had been shot by police the day before I first saw him. The sketch matched what I had seen.

I could go on but I won’t. Stuff like this happens to me a lot and has for years. I did not realize I was all that unusual until I mentioned a couple of things to a friend in junior high. She promptly declared I was a witch, cursed and of the devil. I tried to explain that I thought it all was a gift of God and explained that I used many of the “knowing” occurrences as opportunities for prayer. Still she continued to rant and insist I must have a demon and needed an exorcism. Obviously this damaged our friendship irreparably and caused me to start doing some serious research on witches.

Years passed. I studied about witches, wica and the like. I was disturbed by much I found but also recognized that it did not really apply to me, my beliefs or my gifts.

In college during the flight of Apollo 13 I dreamed of problems with the spacecraft. I woke having a terrible time breathing. One of my roommates, a strong Christian and someone I had discussed my gifts with, was also awake. I told her my dream and we began to pray. Later it was released that there had been a problem with the air system. I had known. I felt I had proved that my gift was of God.

So where did that leave me? I had gifts some considered to be those of a witch and therefore not of God but I had repeatedly used my gifts to help others and as opportunities for prayer so it could not be bad! I was really stuck between a rock and a hard place! Seeking advice did no good as some said I should ignore the “knowings” and make a serious effort to not read people or use any of my gifts. Others said if I felt I was using the gifts to serve God’s people it was all good.

Years passed until a few years ago I heard of the concept of a Christian Witch. Ah! This obviously was me! I did a lot of research and decided I could live with this title and adopted it privately for the most part but with enthusiasm. Yet there was always a lot of questioning because I was trying to reconcile those two words “Christian” and “Witch” which just did not seem to go together and many of the things associated with Christian Witch just were not me.

So…where am I today? Well in many ways back where I was before I heard the term “Christian Witch”. I cannot be a witch. I am an herbalist, which is something that I did gain from my research. I am a person who has stronger access to what I call my gifts than the average person who has these innate talents but does not recognize them or simply sees them as coincidence. I see “coincidence” as God acting anonymously! And sometimes I get to be a part of that. And being a part of that is wonderful!

So what now? Well first I am giving up my study of “Christian witch” or anything witch for that matter. There are things I have found along the way that I do not intend to give up. Runes are a way to think not a tool for telling the future or anything else. The same is true of a pendulum. In both of these cases I have enough sense to say “That is nonsense or hmmm that is cause for thought.” I will not give up the study of herbs and natural remedies. These have been around since the earth was young and are for our benefit. I will continue to use my gifts with the same rules I always have – And it do no harm do what ye will. It is too bad this is a “witch” thing as it actually is a good rule to live by. I will continue to use candles. Someone once said the smoke carries our prayers to God and that works for me.

So there you have it. My personal story of being lost and wrong and finding my way back. I love the Lord my God with all my heart and continue to strive to serve Him and His people in anyway I can.

Blessings on your day.

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